Carrying on

A conversation. they're worth many things, one of which is time. and today served as a good example that my obsession with time is slowly fleeting and my emphasis on the here-and-now with a person is slowly growing.

Today a friend and i were riding back together in a rickshaw from our arabic lessons, carrying on a descent conversation about our daily activities and the contrast between the life of a young man in this culture with that of a husband and father. our driver was joyfully going along himself, doing his best to avoid the pot-holes still unfilled since this summer's rainy season. about half way to our destination some euro-techno beats were set off in his shirt pocket, and unlike many drivers in the world he slowed down and pulled off the road to answer his phone. my friend and i didn't miss a beat, didn't raise a brow, didn't even give each other that usual khuaja "that's different" look. we just chatted away, and so did he. a few minutes later when his conversation was over he reached down and re-started his rickshaw and we continued on our way. no one was in a hurry, neither customer nor driver nor friend, and it was rather pleasant.

John r updated his Favorite Music list on his facebook profile today. one should be assumed - our good friend andy. the other was indeed a pleasant surprise - myself. to be honest it is an honor to be grateful for for as long as he leaves it on his site. but even if he should take it down tonight, his explanation was worth it all: "you're just always singing around the apartment. and i like it."

We're in the unknown, but the fountain always flows.
Peace be

Two nights ago i re-read a

LETTER
January 1998

I am not acquainted with anyone
there, if they spoke to me
I would not know what to do.
But so far nobody has, I know
I certainly wouldn't.
I don't participate, I'm not allowed;
I just listen, and every morning
have a moment of such happiness, I breathe
and breathe until the terror returns. About the time
when they are supposed to greet one another
two people actually look into each other's eyes
and hold hands a moment, but
the church is so big and the few who are there
are seated far apart. So this presents no real problem.
I keep my eyes fixed on the great naked corpse, the vertical
corpse
who is said to be love
and who spoke the world
into being, before coming here
to be tortured and executed by it.
I don't know what I am doing there. I do
notice the more I lose touch
with what I previously saw as my life
the more real my spot in the dark winter pew becomes--
it is infinite. What we experience
as space, the sky
that is, the sun, the stars
is intimate and rather small by comparison.
When I step outside the ugliness is so shattering
it has become dear to me, like a retarded
child, precious to me.
If only I could tell someone.
The humiliation I go through
when I think of my past
can only be described as grace.
We are created by being destroyed.

Franz Wright, Walking to Martha's Vineyard, Knopf 2003 (My apologies that this blog's typeset couldn't do the original its justice.)


...and i only wished i could tell someone.

Peace be

You can probably tell

I have changed my blog a few times the past couple days. but thanks to the captain and andy i have settled on this present design "for the sake of uniformity."

Today my mind took a rest from all worry. thank You.

We are hoping to hear some news within the week concerning our stay. in the meantime, i must admit, my mind tends to wonder a lot, and focusing on anything for an extended period is a real chore. i caught myself saying i need a rest. i need a vacation. then i remembered my rest is You.

Yesterday my tea lady arm wrestled me. she won, convincingly, and assured many of your worries that i am withering away. so this afternoon i made it my goal to eat a plate of beans, two patties of beef, and some oats and apples.

Rumor has it that haboob season will soon be upon us. ma9lesh, haboob means sandstorm. that's just a random inside fact - and a partial inspiration for this blog's current header.


"And benaiah the son of johoiada was a valiant man of kabzeel, a doer of great deeds. he struck down two ariels of moab. he also went down and struck down a lion in a pit on a day when snow had fallen." -2 Sam 23.20 it's kind of cold outside, and there is surely something analogous to a dangerous lion in my life right now. i just hope i'm valiant enough to chase him down that slippery pit and give him a good whoopin (however that may be achieved) instead of letting him get the best of me.

Peace be yours.

We have

Thrown away the motors, and now we are sailing,
sailing,
sailing.

Last night we played basketball. unfortunately the national team didn't show up - nothing unusual. we ended up playing 5-on-5 full court with a bunch of us desert-beaten washed up "has beens." it was pretty tiring breathing in cold sand, but all was not lost. my boss said every time i blocked his shot he'd dock my pay a hundred pounds. ha, i'm gonna be broke this month - that's all i'm gonna say. today we successfully lifted a 300+lb wardrobe up a ladder and over the balcony of a friend's house. these are just a few of the things we do on our "foreigner" days.

Oh yeah, why are we always sailing? well, because there is always something that reminds us we are not in control. uncertainty and risk abound in everything we seem to do. nonetheless, we are always reminded that one has everything taken care of. laws change, policies attempt to keep us at bay, and the powers of this world continue to claim the upper hand. but they too often forget that a son made a public spectacle of them through his own humiliation and he continues to do so through us as well.

One time a few years ago a group of us were trapped in a building surrounded by people who wanted to hinder us. the sweet man in front of us told us we have thrown away the motors, and now we are sailing, sailing, sailing. and he simply asked for their eyes to be blinded as we walked past them in the open. and thus we did.

Again we find ourselves apparently hindered, but with a similar simple little seed we're just asking for favor as we keep trying to go where these sails are taking us.

Go now in the light...,
go now in the love...,
go now in the peace...,
go now in the joy...

Is this

An appropriate first post for the new year?

I was supposed to post something funny about jason, but i forgot what it was. a lot of post-worthy material has been done or said in the past week, but if i don't do right that moment than i'll probably forget it.

We've been house-sitting the past ten days for a couple gone on vacation. we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into though was cat-sitting. they must be the only people here with a domesticated animal other than a monkey. why couldn't they have a monkey? apart from the one that bit me, i'd take a good poo slinging monkey any day over this touchy cat.

Well, our time in this lush pad is drawing to a close though. thankfully our time in the rat-hole is officially done as well. i will be sad to leave their hot-water heater and stove top espresso maker. but at the same time i'm looking forward to moving back out into the fringes...

Sometimes coziness is laziness, and laziness isn't always living... especially when others are dying.

We are still healthy. we've never been (wealthier). pray for our wisdom.

Peace be.